BY DAY 6
Respond to at least one peer, and revise one of the examples they identified in their original post. Explain what changes you made, and why.
ASHANTI
Example 1; “This was very surprising to me, I was woke….”
I am not quite sure if I even understood this statement and what the author was trying to convey. I have heard of the slang term “staying woke” however I was not sure how this applied to what the author was trying to say. According to Scholarly Voice colloquialisms, slang, contractions, biased language rhetorical questions, and second-person pronouns should be avoided.
Example 2; “More people failed and got D’s in the online class though”
In this statement, the author did not avoid using casual language by using the word though. This statement also seemed to have contradicted another statement the author made, “it became clear that the students had a similar success rate whether they were in an online class, or they were in a physical classroom”. The perspective of success differs in everyone’s eyes, however, I do not think getting “D’s would suffice as success which would contradict the author’s statement that student has similar successes.
Example 3; “Again looking over this, it shows as ng as you have professor access and don’t drop out of an online course, there isn’t really much difference between online learning and in-person learning!”
This statement does have a spelling error which shows the author did not edit this paper mercilessly according to Scholarly Voice, but it also seems to lack consistency with the statement about students receiving D’s. If students are performing at a lower success rate in the online class I would think that means the students were doing better in the face-to-face setting with a professor.
If I am being quite honest this sample paper was quite confusing. I did not know if the author was saying online or face-to-face was a better way of learning. The author seemed to say there was no difference but then went on to say that the online students failed and got D’s, so this message was contradicting in my opinion. I think the author did attempt to try and persuade the reader that there was not much difference between the two settings but throughout the paper, the author expressed more of the negative outcomes with the online classes. The scholarly voice that was intended for this paper was extremely lacking. I do feel the author tried their best but as the reader, due to the lack this sample paper was confusing and contradicting to me.
References
Scholarly voice: Overview. Academic Guides. (n.d.). Retrieved December 13, 2022, from https://academicguides.waldenu.edu/writingcenter/scholarlyvoice
